How to Explain Your Surrogacy Journey to Your Children: 8 Tips for Success
There are a few things to consider as you tell your children about your surrogacy journey. The way you approach the conversation will depend on your child’s age and cognitive ability, whether there are other siblings in your family, and the support and awareness around you, your family, and your community.
It is important that your children learn directly from you that you are a surrogate, before they overhear any conversations about it or are asked about it from someone else. Here are eight tips to keep in mind while you talk to your children to make sure they understand, respect, and get excited alongside you on this beautiful journey.
Follow your children’s lead. Share with them the basic information and see if they ask another question. If they do, answer that particular question. Avoid overloading them with more information than they are asking or are ready for.
If your children are very young you can wait until you know you are pregnant so that they don't have to hold the information for too long a period of time.
もしあなたのお子様が低学年ならば、代理出産を希望する両親の写真を見せるのが一番良い方法だと私は考えています。そうすることで、お子様は目に見えるものを見ることによって、理解しやすくなります。代理出産を希望する両親が、あなたのように子供を持つ機会を得たいと願っていることを説明することができます。 この方の体は赤ちゃんを成長させることが難しいので、あなたの体の中で彼らの赤ちゃんを成長させようとしていることを伝えることができます。あなたは赤ちゃんの成長をサポートしていますが、その赤ちゃんの母親にはなりません。赤ちゃんが欲しいと思っている人に、あなたが贈ることができるプレゼントです。
あなたのお子様と一緒に「代理出産」という言葉を使うことは重要です。これはあなたの家族にとって重要な出来事なので、彼らは自分がその一部であると感じるべきです。 あなたと他の大人との間で、個人的にも医学的にも代理出産についての会話を聞くことになるので、子供たちは「代理母」の意味を知る必要があります。
人前で個人的なことを言ったり質問したりする人の多さに驚くかもしれません。彼らは、あなたの妊娠によって兄弟が生まれることを想定している可能性が高く、「お兄ちゃんやお姉ちゃんができたの？」と直接聞かれることもあるかもしれません。あなたの子供たちは、彼らが違和感を感じることなく応答するための情報を持っている必要があります。 彼らは、質問に答えたり、あなたに話をしてくれるよう望むかもしれません。
Some children may ask about the medical piece, as you will be going to several medical appointments. You may get questions like, “How does the baby get inside?” Depending on their age, you may respond by saying, “With the doctor’s help.” Depending on how inquisitive your child is, as well as their age, will determine how much technical information they need. If you are not sure of the language to use there are some books that can help so that you can read the material to them.
With children at all ages it is important to reassure them that you are doing ok, even if you have nausea and don't feel well, or are going to the doctor more often. If your children are a bit older you can let them know that not every seed or embryo becomes a baby and that you may be trying a few times.
If you have multiple children of different ages and you choose to tell your older ones, we don't want them to have to hold a secret from your younger children. Sometimes it is best to tell your different aged children separately so you can answer their various, age appropriate questions.
Surrogacy is an exciting journey to take with your family. It is an opportunity for your children to learn about you and have a unique life experience you will always remember!
アビゲイル・グラス、MFT
私は、不妊治療、養子縁組、流産や早期喪失、代理出産、チャレンジングな妊娠などの分野で個人的にも専門的にも経験を積んできたセラピスト、妻であり母親です。
